What happened to you Billy?
Have always wondered really
How did you die?
Or is it just a lie?
Please talk to me Billy
I am worried really

This is my Billy's story
That makes my heart break
Nothing can reduce my worry
My chest as heavy as a brick
Please talk to me Billy
I am worried really

We met in a matatu
It was kitu saa tatu
We were strangers
Mixed up with villagers
We somehow got to talk
Finally we still had to walk
In the same direction
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

We were all depressed
Too hard to be impressed
We got out of the mat
I headed the other direction
We of course exchanged digits
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

From then things weren’t the same
You made communication an aim
Checking on me was duty
Though my heart was lame
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

I learnt that you were in military
Based in Mogadishu solitary
You were on a leave
To search for your girlfriend
Who had given up your child
For adoption to a friend
You looked disturbed
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

I had my problems too
Was one month pregnant
The man behind it gone forever
I didn’t know what to do
The conditions were tough
The times were rough
I was on job search mission
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

You called me often
You gave me a date before you left
The date was timely
We talked
We laughed
We shared
We gave each other hope
You told me never to give up
Especially on my child
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

You called daily
You were consistent
Your texts were humorous
The pregnancy moved faster
Because of your night lengthy calls
We had a bond
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

Distance never kept us apart
You still spoilt me
You came to see my son
Where he was three
Brought him beautiful bright clothes
You left by afternoon
I don’t know what I saw in your eyes
You must have seen it in mine too
But no, my Billy was a gentleman
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

Few days later
After return to Solitary Mogadishu
It remains a fearful fateful day
You called at midnight
You were not jovial
You sounded worried
For the 1st time you stammered
You didn’t allow me to talk
You said there was no time
You talked as if in pain
The conversation is fresh in my mind
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

"Hey, listen Mohana
I love you
I have always wanted
To walk down the aisle with you
To give you my name
To kneel down and ask you
To carry and mentor my children
Because you are noble
I wanted to hold your hand
Look you in the eye
Silence the storm
That took away your happiness
My heart bled when I saw you cry
I wanted to give you time
I was wrong, soldiers got no time
I can see your face as a grandma
Still beautiful at heart"

He talked too fast
Almost whispering
I tried to talk
He continued to talk
I said I loved him
He went off
I tried the phone
No one picked
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really.

I called him for months
The phone still quiet
One year ended
I sought him in the internet
Nowhere to be found
I sank deep into depression
Silently in solitude
Two years still no sigh
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

Three years later
I tried calling
Your phone went through
My heart was racing
Adrenaline rising
A woman picked your phone
She didn’t talk much
She asked who was calling
"I am Mohana, can I speak to Billy?"
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

She was kind
She told me Billy was her brother
And he passed on 3years ago
I wanted to die
I cursed everything
I questioned God
I wanted to smoke anything
To drink my pain away
I headed to a club
I broke glasses
Fought with lasses
I broke my lenses
Why did you leave Billy?
I am frustrated really

Why didn’t you say t’was time to die?
Why didn’t you postpone death?
Why didn’t you call me on death?
Why don’t you appear to me?
Talk to me from the dead Billy
Why did you leave me alone?
You are a traitor
You promised to keep in touch
And to be happy
Why did you leave Billy?
I am frustrated really

I command you Billy listen to me well
You will not remain quiet
You got to talk to me tonight
The cold is tearing
The silence deafening
The solitude so striking
No other person understand me
I am a loner
I cannot even risk friendship
I am worried
Been left alone
No night phone calls
No flirty text
No sign of you
Where are you Billy?
I am worried really

You know something
I am still going
Sometimes I day dream
I see you and I
You emerge from somewhere
You tell me it was a mistake
Every time I am alone
You appear from the bush
Hold my tiny waist
Swing me around with those
Muscular soft hands
We dance
We laugh
As I am about to hug you
You disappear i clasp the air
My heart get tormented
You are too alive in my life
Where are you Billy?
I am sad really

Tempted to tell my son about you
But he cannot remember
Tears come down rolling
And he asks
"Why are you crying mummie?
I tell him my eyes are raining
Every time I think of you Billy
My eyes rain
I know you are happy Billy
I desperately miss you really

It is time to release you darling
The rare kind hearted soldier
Military life hadn't hardened thy heart
You were beautiful at heart
Handsome in appearance
Remember the day you held my hand in prayer?
We both cried
It was deep
It might have been our farewell
I still feel your hands tight on mine
I hear the moving prayer
You lie in peace
You sleep saintly
Sing serenity
Wherever you are Billy
I miss you really

To my heart you are alive
Though haven’t really learnt
The art of mixing
Your departure gave me solitude
The emptiness is way too big
I wish I attended your funeral
I asked your sister
If I could visit your grave
She said No
That kills me Billy
And worries me really

You know what?
A lot has changed
I still look beautiful
My son is handsome
I definitely look pretty
Years are moving too fast
But something has changed
In my eyes you just see worry
Fear, mistrust and disillusionment
Unlike when I looked at you
The glow radiance in them gone
Life is hard
The struggles too tough
Times sickening rough
No one understands me
My eyes are raining again
Fare thee well Billy
People like you and me don’t say bye
I will see you again Billy
I do miss you really.
Yours dearly Mohana