All I want is to be the happy-go-lucky type
But somehow it creeps inside me and makes me want to run away from everything
Why am I like this?
Why can't I be like what I dream to be?
I never asked for this but I got it anyway
I always feel like I was destined to be elsewhere where I could be the person I dream of
Each stage in my life I have thought the same
I will be the very person of my dreams
But somehow it comes back to me and makes want to retreat to my old hopeless self
I think about it, I can see it in front of me
Each day I grow older more things just add up to the only thing I fear about
Why can't I see the beauty in what I have?
Why do I put myself down?
Why do I fear it?
What will happen if I live like that?
Will I be that? Or is just another infatuation?
They all see the same cycle again
Why should they force it on me?
Why do I fear that I might succumb to it like how I did for everything else?
This is not my dream that I am living. They say go on, carry on... Because that is what you are made for now
And then they have anticipated for my time ahead
It's mine not yours!
No sound just me talking to myself, because I am scared what would they feel
What would they feel?
Always thought about the same thing since the day I turned into a new leaf
That fallacious decision
That something I can never undo
That something that quiets me down
That something that made me today what I am
I never knew it
I never felt it
It just happened like that
Took up the void quietly and began to metastasize
It submerged me into it
Why am I like this?