Jerry Seinfeld

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Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me.
Men want to make women happy.
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

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