Steven Wright
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I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
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Steven Wright Quotes
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
How young can you die of old age?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
Best Quotes
Anyone who's lost someone to cancer will say this, that you have to struggle to try to remember the person before the diagnosis happened, because they really do change - as anyone would change.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
Much can and must be done by governments, but they cannot of themselves change lives.
In art as in love, instinct is enough.
My mom grew up in poverty in Oklahoma - like Dust Bowl, nine people in one room kind of place - and the way she got out of poverty was through education. My dad grew up without a dad, with very little and he also made his way out through education.
It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have lightened the day's toil of any human being.
Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, They have to take you in.
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