FUNNY QUOTES

• Life is funny sometimes, an when you look closely to see tomorrow is dip, no body knows the definition of tomorrow.
  ~ James Ogbaji ~
• It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified.
  ~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton ~
• Funny how the new things are the old things.
  ~ Rudyard Kipling ~
• A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.
  ~ Barbara Corcoran ~
• I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.
  ~ Jenny Mccarthy ~
• I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.
  ~ Jenny Mccarthy ~
• I guess now that I think back, I used to play priest and be a funny priest. I don't know, I grew up in such a Catholic family that I kind of liked to test the boundaries a little bit and I think I had fun watching my mom laugh.
  ~ Jenny Mccarthy ~
• Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
  ~ Betty White ~
• Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny.
  ~ Betty White ~
• It would be pretty funny to see a Beverly Hills white girl with mad rap skills.
  ~ Tori Spelling ~
• Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.
  ~ Maynard James Keenan ~
• It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.
  ~ Edward Hopper ~
• It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.
  ~ Edward Hopper ~
• I love a smart, well-written show, and '30 Rock,' well, you can't get any better than that. Tina Fey poos funny. There's nothing that she does that isn't funny. That show is an example of how brilliant she is. It's so smart. They've done some brilliant commentary about the 'Housewives' with 'Queen of Jordan,' their show-within-the-show.
  ~ Andy Cohen ~
• It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
  ~ Craig Bruce ~
• It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.
  ~ Craig Bruce ~
• You know, you can touch a stick of dynamite, but if you touch a venomous snake it'll turn around and bite you and kill you so fast it's not even funny.
  ~ Steve Irwin ~
• When I was doing ensemble theater and comedy work, I felt I had some talents. But when I started doing my shows in Berkeley and found that I could be funny on my own, I was shocked.
  ~ Whoopi Goldberg ~
• Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing.
  ~ Rowan Atkinson ~
• I think I have an inner confidence that my tastes are pretty simple, that what I find funny finds a wide audience. I'm not particularly intellectual or clever or minority-focused in my creative instincts. And I'm certainly not aware of suppressing more sophisticated ambitions.
  ~ Rowan Atkinson ~
• No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.
  ~ Rowan Atkinson ~
• No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.
  ~ Rowan Atkinson ~
• I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
  ~ Jerry Lewis ~
• I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.
  ~ Ben Stiller ~
• Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it.
  ~ Ben Stiller ~
• I love New York. I was sad, depressed and incredibly moved by our fellow countrymen and what they've done. I wanted to give people a chance to see something funny, have a distraction.
  ~ Ben Stiller ~
• I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time.
  ~ Ben Stiller ~
• I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over.
  ~ Ben Stiller ~
• The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband.
  ~ Francesca Annis ~
• The funny thing is I'm not bothered or sad about being on my own - after all I've never had a husband.
  ~ Francesca Annis ~
• I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.
  ~ Vera Farmiga ~
• I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place.
  ~ Vera Farmiga ~
• I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.
  ~ Shaun White ~
• I wear black skinny-fit jeans - I can't get away from them. It's funny because I wore baggy jeans for ages, then one day my friend convinced me to try on a skinny pair and I thought they were great.
  ~ Shaun White ~
• One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.
  ~ William Feather ~
• One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.
  ~ William Feather ~
• It's funny because I'm a sucker for glitz and glitter when it comes to clothes and nail polish, but with my makeup, I'm more comfortable with a natural look. It feels more like me.
  ~ Alison Sweeney ~
• It's funny. When I saw the script in my inbox and it said 'Sparkle,' I thought, 'For real? It's really called 'Sparkle?'' I was wondering, too, how does 'Jordin Sparks as Sparkle' sound?
  ~ Jordin Sparks ~
• Sometimes I feel like there are people just waiting for me to fall. The funny thing is, I can't give them anything. I have just never been a partier, even in school.
  ~ Jordin Sparks ~
• What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern.
  ~ Susan Orlean ~
• I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me.
  ~ Jonathan Safran Foer ~
• The kind of funny irony is that a lot of people talk about ethical meat eating as if it's a way to care about things, but also not to alienate yourself from the rest of the world. But it's so much more alienating than vegetarianism.
  ~ Jonathan Safran Foer ~
• Literature has drawn a funny perimeter that other art forms haven't.
  ~ Jonathan Safran Foer ~
• Literature has drawn a funny perimeter that other art forms haven't.
  ~ Jonathan Safran Foer ~
• I never thought of myself as like, a funny person.
  ~ Lena Dunham ~
• It's funny, I never considered that people are going to see me on the show and maybe stop me on the subway.
  ~ Lena Dunham ~
• There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'
  ~ Lena Dunham ~
• I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but I still live with my parents half the time. I've been sort of taking this very long, stuttering period of moving out.
  ~ Lena Dunham ~
• It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.
  ~ Hedy Lamarr ~
• It's funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.
  ~ Hedy Lamarr ~
• I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny.
  ~ Christopher Walken ~
• Laurence Olivier said in an interview once that when he plays a tragedy he always aims for the funny parts, and the other way around. Because in a comedy you look for what's serious. I think that's true. Sometimes things are really funny if you're absolutely earnest. If you're really serious, it's hilarious.
  ~ Christopher Walken ~
• I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.
  ~ Christopher Walken ~
• Some people can do things and get away with it. Comics are famously like that. Why is it that some guys can say the most horrible things and it's not offensive, it's funny?
  ~ Christopher Walken ~
• There's something dangerous about what's funny. Jarring and disconcerting. There is a connection between funny and scary.
  ~ Christopher Walken ~
• Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.
  ~ Doris Lessing ~
• It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
  ~ Mae West ~
• The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously.
  ~ Demetri Martin ~
• I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.
  ~ Demetri Martin ~
• I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
  ~ Demetri Martin ~
• Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.
  ~ Demetri Martin ~
• The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.
  ~ Joan Jett ~
• The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.
  ~ Joan Jett ~
• The follow your dreams thing is really important because so many people are railroaded into taking other paths by their family, their friends, people who should be supportive going, 'What are you talking about?' Even just seemingly regular career paths, but if it's not what people expect for you they kind of react funny.
  ~ Joan Jett ~
• I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.
  ~ Amy Poehler ~
• Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
  ~ Amy Poehler ~
• I would love to play 'Funny Girl' or 'Evita,' but I idolize the women who have played those parts. I don't know if there needs to be another version of those shows.
  ~ Idina Menzel ~
• I think I would say 'The King's Speech' is surprisingly funny, in fact the audiences in London, Toronto, LA, New York commented there's more laughter in this film than in most comedies, while it is also a moving tear-jerker with an uplifting ending.
  ~ Tom Hooper ~
• People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them, 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• Some of the writers I admire who seem very, very funny and very emotional to me can develop a closeness with the reader without giving too much of themselves away. Lorrie Moore comes to mind, as does David Sedaris. When they write, the reader thinks that they're being trusted as a friend.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's so funny how some criticize the sin they commit in their private spaces. Beware! Some people serve God for the public and not for themselves.
  ~ Oyinda Oladeinde ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial.
  ~ Allen Klein ~
• I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
  ~ Keanu Reeves ~
• I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
  ~ Keanu Reeves ~
• I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
  ~ Leonardo Dicaprio ~
• It's funny: I'm a lifelong musician, but because I principally play the piano it's been a solitary thing.
  ~ Gary Oldman ~
• I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.
  ~ Daniel Craig ~
• It's funny, I do try to maintain health. I started doing Bikram yoga which is that hothouse yoga, the 105 degrees yoga for 90 minutes. It's great, you purge out all the sweat and you're drinking water.
  ~ Bryan Cranston ~
• It's funny, I do try to maintain health. I started doing Bikram yoga which is that hothouse yoga, the 105 degrees yoga for 90 minutes. It's great, you purge out all the sweat and you're drinking water.
  ~ Bryan Cranston ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• I'd like to do a film which is funny.
  ~ Clive Owen ~