FUNNY QUOTES

• Life is funny sometimes, an when you look closely to see tomorrow is dip, no body knows the definition of tomorrow.
  ~ James Ogbaji ~
• It is not funny that anything else should fall down only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh Because it is a gravely religious matter it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd for only man can be dignified.
  ~ Gilbert Keith Chesterton ~
• Funny how the new things are the old things.
  ~ Rudyard Kipling ~
• I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.
  ~ Amy Poehler ~
• Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.
  ~ Amy Poehler ~
• I would love to play 'Funny Girl' or 'Evita,' but I idolize the women who have played those parts. I don't know if there needs to be another version of those shows.
  ~ Idina Menzel ~
• I think I would say 'The King's Speech' is surprisingly funny, in fact the audiences in London, Toronto, LA, New York commented there's more laughter in this film than in most comedies, while it is also a moving tear-jerker with an uplifting ending.
  ~ Tom Hooper ~
• People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• It used to be that you had to make female TV characters perfect so no one would be offended by your 'portrayal' of women. Even when I started out on 'The Office' eight years ago, we could write our male characters funny and flawed, but not the women. And now, thankfully, it's completely different.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can't believe I remember this - he said to them, 'Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house?' I thought that was really funny.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
  ~ Mindy Kaling ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons I will accept those gladly. But I am always sort of appalled at the idea of being lumped with other, more chick-y female writers. And the truth is probably that neither comparison is accurate.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• Some of the writers I admire who seem very, very funny and very emotional to me can develop a closeness with the reader without giving too much of themselves away. Lorrie Moore comes to mind, as does David Sedaris. When they write, the reader thinks that they're being trusted as a friend.
  ~ Sloane Crosley ~
• It's so funny how some criticize the sin they commit in their private spaces. Beware! Some people serve God for the public and not for themselves.
  ~ Oyinda Oladeinde ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• I was lucky. My family is wonderful. And it's funny, because most of my best friends come from very large families. So it always felt as if I had lots of siblings, though in the end I had to leave them and go home. I kind of got the best of both worlds as a kid.
  ~ Sophia Bush ~
• Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial.
  ~ Allen Klein ~
• I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
  ~ Keanu Reeves ~
• I had the classic 40 meltdown. I did. It's embarrassing. It was pretty funny. But then I recovered. To me, it was like a second adolescence. Hormonally, my body was changing, my mind was changing, and so my relationship to myself and the world around me came to this assault of finiteness.
  ~ Keanu Reeves ~
• I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
  ~ Leonardo Dicaprio ~
• It's funny: I'm a lifelong musician, but because I principally play the piano it's been a solitary thing.
  ~ Gary Oldman ~
• I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.
  ~ Daniel Craig ~
• It's funny, I do try to maintain health. I started doing Bikram yoga which is that hothouse yoga, the 105 degrees yoga for 90 minutes. It's great, you purge out all the sweat and you're drinking water.
  ~ Bryan Cranston ~
• It's funny, I do try to maintain health. I started doing Bikram yoga which is that hothouse yoga, the 105 degrees yoga for 90 minutes. It's great, you purge out all the sweat and you're drinking water.
  ~ Bryan Cranston ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• I have this horrible sense of humor where I think discomfort is funny - partly because I experience discomfort a lot, and it's a way of laughing at it and getting a release.
  ~ Joaquin Phoenix ~
• The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'
  ~ Adam Carolla ~
• I'd like to do a film which is funny.
  ~ Clive Owen ~
• I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?
  ~ Andy Warhol ~
• I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.
  ~ Anne Lamott ~
• I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• I don't hate humanity and I'm not interested in people who do. Although, it's funny, actually, some of my favorite writers really do. Like Martin Amis. My dirty secret. 'London Fields' is one of my favorite books ever. And it's indefensible! But he's so funny... I forgive him everything.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• It's not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn't have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn't have much to do with reality.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• It's not an accident that both my sister and I are writers. Our parents created an accidental Petri dish. My family has great storytellers, and I grew up in a very funny, conversational house and didn't have television. This small family farm was a bubble world that didn't have much to do with reality.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• I used to say, 'Man, I think I'd be a really good dad. I'll be a great provider. I'm funny I'll go on trips with them - I'll do all sorts of stuff.' But the momming? I'm not made for that. I have a really good mom I know what she put into it.
  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert ~
• I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.
  ~ Lebron James ~
• The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.
  ~ J. K. Rowling ~
• The middle class is so funny, it's the class I know best, and it's the class where you find the most pretension, so that's what makes the middle classes so funny.
  ~ J. K. Rowling ~
• I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.
  ~ Angelina Jolie ~
• I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.
  ~ Angelina Jolie ~
• The people I grew up around who I really liked were quick on the draw. It always just wowed me. And my mum would make weird funny comments. I can see in myself her self-deprecating, hippie humour. I can't take myself too seriously.
  ~ Drew Barrymore ~
• I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.
  ~ Daniel Radcliffe ~
• Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.
  ~ Eminem ~
• You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, it's kind of a lifestyle and it's easy to get caught up in it - you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyone's doing a certain thing... It's tough.
  ~ Eminem ~
• Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends.
  ~ Eminem ~
• You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.
  ~ Donald Trump ~
• The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.
  ~ Billy Corgan ~
• A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times.
  ~ Billy Corgan ~
• You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.
  ~ Rush Limbaugh ~
• Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.
  ~ Beth Ditto ~
• Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.
  ~ Beth Ditto ~
• My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.
  ~ Beth Ditto ~
• Here is my prescription to heal all wounds. Watch the film 'Funny Girl' at least five times, eat at least 45 chocolate bars, and hang out with all those friends you blew off to hang out with your ex. I truly believe that, through a combination of Nutella, old pals and Barbra Streisand, we can achieve happiness and, very probably, world peace.
  ~ Beth Ditto ~
• My size has helped make me an amazing performer too. The cliche of the Funny Fat Friend: I absolutely was that character - I am that character... It's a complicated bag of tools I acquired, and I've put them all to work onstage.
  ~ Beth Ditto ~
• It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.
  ~ Chuck Palahniuk ~
• It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.
  ~ Chuck Palahniuk ~
• Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction, I think. But it's funny what comes down the pike.
  ~ Jeff Bridges ~
• It's funny. You succeed, but now where are you gonna go from there? I've got to keep proving that I can laugh or cry more real each time.
  ~ Jeff Bridges ~
• There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.
  ~ Doug Coupland ~
• I got to dress up in funny clothes and run around New Zealand with a bow and arrow for 18 months, how bad could that be?
  ~ Orlando Bloom ~
• It's a funny old world.
  ~ Margaret Thatcher ~
• I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.
  ~ Katy Perry ~
• I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids.
  ~ Katy Perry ~
• I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
  ~ Woody Allen ~
• Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
  ~ Joan Rivers ~
• A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key.
  ~ Jennifer Lopez ~
• A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key.
  ~ Jennifer Lopez ~
• I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.
  ~ Rachael Ray ~
• I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.
  ~ Rachael Ray ~
• Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.
  ~ Julia Roberts ~
• It's funny when people say, 'I don't think Julia likes me.' Honey, if I don't like you, you're going to know about it.
  ~ Julia Roberts ~
• Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.
  ~ Julia Roberts ~
• All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
  ~ Mitch Hedberg ~
• Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
  ~ Mitch Hedberg ~
• Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
  ~ Mitch Hedberg ~
• You need to be silly to be funny.
  ~ William Shatner ~
• It's funny, as you live through something you're not aware of it.
  ~ Maya Lin ~
• Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.
  ~ Ben Stein ~
• Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.
  ~ Ben Stein ~
• Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.
  ~ Ben Stein ~
• Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.
  ~ Ben Stein ~
• Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
  ~ Adam Sandler ~
• Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
  ~ Adam Sandler ~
• Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.
  ~ Adam Sandler ~
• It's funny, but you get to a time in your life when you think you have all the friends you will ever have.
  ~ Liam Neeson ~
• I don't think I'm funny.
  ~ Liam Neeson ~
• I remember straightening my hair because I wanted to be like everybody else, and now the fact that anybody would emulate what I do? It's just funny.
  ~ Taylor Swift ~
• At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'
  ~ Tom Hanks ~