I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Quote by Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers quote
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Joan Rivers Quotes
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Never floss with a stranger.
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
I became famous, I think, really because of the interpretation of other people's songs, way back when, and that's what I enjoy the most. And I'm a lazy bugger.
It has always been my belief that a man should do his best, regardless of how much he receives for his services, or the number of people he may be serving or the class of people served.
The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character.
War is the greatest plague that can afflict humanity, it destroys religion, it destroys states, it destroys families. Any scourge is preferable to it.
An ostentatious man will rather relate a blunder or an absurdity he has committed, than be debarred from talking of his own dear person.
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.
We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That's not leadership. That's not going to happen.
I think a good relationship is about collaboration.
Switzerland is a small, steep country, much more up and down than sideways, and is all stuck over with large brown hotels built on the cuckoo clock style of architecture.