Andy Rooney

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The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
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Andy Rooney Quotes

A writer's job is to tell the truth.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.
The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.

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