Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
Quote by Mitch Hedberg
Click on the picture of Mitch Hedberg quote you want to see a larger version.
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
Click on the picture of Mitch Hedberg quote you want to see a larger version.
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
- I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
- I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
- I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
- I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
- My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Best Quotes
- Yeah, I mean the material, directors, the other cast, and if you think you can do something with the character then you do it and go from there. I am looking forward to doing some smaller movies.
- Live truth instead of professing it.
- I heard a definition once: Happiness is health and a short memory! I wish I'd invented it, because it is very true.
- To attempt seeing Truth without knowing Falsehood. It is the attempt to see the Light without knowing the Darkness. It cannot be.
- Salman Rushdie, indeed any writer who abuses the prophet or indeed any prophet under Islamic law, the sentence for that is actually death.
- The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.
- Be more dedicated to making solid achievements than in running after swift but synthetic happiness.
- Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.
- They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.
- I lead no party I follow no leader. I have given the best part of my life to careful study of Islam, its law and polity, its culture, its history and its literature.