Mitch Hedberg

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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

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