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I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright
Steven Wright Quotes
How young can you die of old age?
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
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