Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.