The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

• Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
• Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
• My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
• Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
• It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
• Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
• My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
• Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
• Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.