The Mix Up | Masitula Kisakye

Trying so hard, to fit in the crowd...
Always reaching out, sacrificing, so I can be noticed.
Happy times,sad times, uncomfortable moments... I'm like a mark on you, always there.
But when the times change,, I realise I'm only a clown, making everyone else happy but me.

I am always trying to understand, always trying to see reason, leaving to people please.
And ooh, don't get me wrong, I am not weak, it's just that, If life was food,,
" I find joy in watching others eat" but it's not as simple.

Sometimes I wish people could be genuine,, I know it's hard to clear the doubts,, but did you even try?
Labels, stories, fallacies, no ground for understanding...
If I deviate, or fail, even when I get drawn back,, giving my reasoning is labelled an excuse or blunt lies.
I'm just the boy who cried wolf, only that this time, the wolf was really coming...
If I disappeared, would they even notice.

Someone said,"I wish I was happy like you, with no worries or fears".
If only they knew, how long I had to practice, to master this personality.
Not dreaming too far, but always hoping tomorrow is better.
Hoping it comes when I can face it.

Poet's note: A poem about energy.. loving and caring truly.. but they never return the energy,,or even notice your effort or how hard life is on you.. a poem I wrote at a moment of realisation that.. its always just my flawed self .. and I had to work on me.. I have read articles, reality shows and people are actually treated as insignificant.. but let's not despair.. someone,will truly come around,but it has to start with you.. no one knows you better than yourself.