Woody Allen Quotes
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
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If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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I am two with nature.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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Eighty percent of success is showing up.
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Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
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Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
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I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Marriage is the death of hope.
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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
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The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.