Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.

• I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
• The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
• The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
• One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
• The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
• One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
• There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
• There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
• If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
• As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.