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Josh Billings Quotes

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.
There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply.
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.
Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.
I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Love looks through a telescope envy, through a microscope.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
The man whose only pleasure in life is making money, weighs less on the moral scale than an angleworm.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.