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Johnny Vegas Quotes

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.
I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when I was 11. I wanted to be a priest, but when they told me I could never have sex, not even on my birthday, I changed my mind.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on with.
I am a big fan of smelly cheeses but the rest of the family don't seem to be particularly keen on them.
You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the fear.
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
Comedy's so subjective, and if someone comes to watch, doesn't get it, doesn't find it funny, then fine.
I've spent lots of time in London, I studied in London, I like London. It's just not my home.
My first holiday to San Francisco in 1998-99 was supposed to be a two-week vacation but I ended up staying five weeks and nearly didn't come home.
You always hear people saying, 'I hope I'm not turning into my dad', but I'd be honoured if I became half as decent a bloke as he is.
I came back from university thinking I knew all about politics and racism, not knowing my dad had been one of the youngest-serving Labour councillors in the town and had refused to work in South Africa years ago because of the situation there. And he's never mentioned it - you just find out. That's a real man to me. A sleeping lion.
I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.
I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.
Oh, I'm terrible at travel.
I think if you're at the point where you're popular enough to sell your wedding photos to OK! Magazine then you don't need the money.
The cheese board is my big treat at Christmas that I have to deny myself during the rest of year.