I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

• I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
• When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
• How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
• I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
• I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
• You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
• Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
• My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.