I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Quote by Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war.
The immediacy of mystic experience simply means that we know God just as we know other objects. God is not a mathematical entity or a system of concepts mutually related to one another and having no reference to experience.
An unexamined faith is not worth having, for fundamentalism and uncritical certitude entail the rejection of one of the great human gifts: that of free will, of the liberty to make up our own minds based on evidence and tradition and reason.
You're only lonely if you're not there for you.
I'm all about change, and I know things are going to move forward in life, and that's just how it goes.
You should be having more fun in high school, exploring things because you want to explore them and learning because you love learning-not worrying about competition.
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion.
Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.
I have reached a place in my life where I need to sit down and say, 'Well, what do I do? What's best for me?' I need to look into options for the future.