All Quotations / Quotations from Steven Wright
A friend of mine once sent me a postcard with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, Wish you were here.
Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
Every now and then I like to lean out my window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
I went to a store and asked if they had anything to put under coasters.
If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know
If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second.
When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.