I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Quote by Mitch Hedberg
Click on the picture of Mitch Hedberg quote you want to see a larger version.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Click on the picture of Mitch Hedberg quote you want to see a larger version.
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
- I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
- I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
- I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
- I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
- A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
- I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
- The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
- I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
- Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
Best Quotes
- One man's folly is another man's wife.
- I was very, very religious. And of course I wrote about it in 'Night.' I questioned God's silence. So I questioned. I don't have an answer for that. Does it mean that I stopped having faith? No. I have faith, but I question it.
- My mother is an amazing woman. Not only did she manage the entire household, she noticed a gift in each of her kids and instilled confidence in all of us that that gift would take us wherever we wanted to go.
- My mother taught me about the power of inspiration and courage, and she did it with a strength and a passion that I wish could be bottled.
- I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess.
- For everything I do, I think about a 6-year-old girl and her mom that I saw at my concert last night. I think about what those two individuals would think if I were at a club last night. I never want to be arrested, and I never want to get a DUI, those are my moral values.
- Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm really obsessive about anything dealing with my health.
- Jesus teaches us to forgive and I've got to trust him on that one.
- The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- My aim in painting has always been the most exact transcription possible of my most intimate impression of nature.