A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
Quote by Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg quote
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and, hence, is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.
Oh sleep It is a gentle thing, Beloved from pole to pole.
My whole life has been movies and religion. That's it. Nothing else.
I mean, I went to a church school when I was younger and imbibed a certain amount of religion then but it was really in university that I got interested in religion and politics at the same time. I don't think as if it were one moment of conversion but my spiritual journey really began then.
An artist is always alone - if he is an artist. No, what the artist needs is loneliness.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
When a nation goes down, or a society perishes, one condition may always be found; they forgot where they came from. They lost sight of what had brought them along.
Every day I try to do breathing exercises, meditation, and yoga. These things sound awfully cliche, but they help me slow down and try to point to a truth.
Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
To reform a world, to reform a nation, no wise man will undertake and all but foolish men know, that the only solid, though a far slower reformation, is what each begins and perfects on himself.