Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
Quote by Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers quote
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Joan Rivers Quotes
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I don't care.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
A magical of success is powered by persistence.
The best smell in the world is that man that you love.
In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves.
Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government.
Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
I loved hip-hop. The first stuff I heard was Public Enemy, and I couldn't believe it. It was amazing, and I've always loved hip-hop.
I believe that being successful means having a balance of success stories across the many areas of your life. You can't truly be considered successful in your business life if your home life is in shambles.
We have art in order not to die of the truth.
OK, in all seriousness, I would say I couldn't be in a relationship without equality, generosity, integrity, spirit, kindness and humor. And awesomeness.