Why? | Tahirah Kolbe | Print Friendly

Searching for those words
that I just can’t seem to find,
and I already know that it’s bad saying this,
but I just can’t get you out my mind.

Why am I feeling like this?
Why do you keep appearing there?
Why won’t you just get out of my mind,
and why can’t I forget that piercing stare?

Your hazel eyes,
deep and intriguing.
That charming smile of yours,
warm yet misleading.

I’m sorry that I never met
those high expectations that you’ve set.
I’m sorry that I fell in love with you,
and I’m so sorry that you and I ever met.

I swear I tried reaching out to you,
I even yearned for your love,
but you clearly never felt the same towards me,
to you I probably wasn’t even enough.

“You know that I love you, right?
What I did was a mistake-”
Then why did you keep hurting me?
Did you really want me to break?

“You know I didn’t mean what I said,
I was just joking around-”
I’ve always wondered then if you really cared about me,
but now my theory has been confirmed, the answer has been found.

I hate you [redacted],
I hate what you’ve made me become,
I hate how you made my happiness disappear,
and I hate how you used the love I held for you just for fun.

I don’t want to feel weak anymore,
but the damage has already been done, and I’ve accepted my fate.
“Why?” and it’s an answer you’re oh so desperately looking for,
but by the time you find this journal of mine, it’ll already be too late.

This game that he keeps playing at;
I’m in no control to put an end to it.
“Why?” you might ask once again but this time around I actually have an answer for that;
because this raging fire ignited between us two had already been lit.

The blazing orange-red flames
blankly displays all those angry emotions he makes me feel,
But tell me why I don’t want to believe it,
tell me why I don’t want to believe that all of this is real.

Everything that he told me all seemed to be lies,
and how naive of me not to notice anything at all.
I was stupid enough to allow him to call out everything that I possibly did wrong in his eyes,
I wonder why’d I allowed him to be the reason for my downfall.

Poet's note: Just like the previous poem, it also deals with the distress the girl has been put through, but this time with a series of questions that she keeps asking herself. She wants to know why he keeps putting her through misery, through heartbreak, through pain and why she still desperately yearns for his love despite the relentless emotional terror he makes her experience. It's there for the novel character to express her deepest feelings that she cannot share with those around her, and also because she feels silly for still loving this individual even though he's the reason for her shift of character from a happy person into a distressed one. This particular poem hurts more, and also means more because it has to do with questions one asks themselves when they are experiencing emotional abuse. At least every single individual can relate to asking themselves series of questions when it comes to them putting themselves into bad situations that they can't get out of, but also at the same time don't want to get out of, especially in a relationship.