Emotions | Tahirah Kolbe | Print Friendly

I felt raw and emotionless
and nothing could sum up my current state,
fighting against this internal battle
yet lacking the energy to motivate.

I want to motivate myself to get rid of you
because you’ve become too toxic for me.
I’ve also come to the realisation that I’m not the only one you targeted
as you are not who you perceive to be.

You’ve become this whole new individual; cold and conniving,
you continue to feed me these lies,
you portray yourself as this charming yet handsome saviour,
when in reality you are the devil in disguise.

You like the fact that you’ve got so much control over me,
too much that it becomes emotionally draining.
And although I need to remain strong for myself,
I can’t help but continue complaining.

You make me feel as if I hold no value,
treating me like an object, and giving me no choice.
According to you I’m the reason our love has gone sour,
And as much as I want to scream and shout I’ve got no voice.

Whenever I cried at night you’d yell at me,
calling me over dramatic and a crybaby,
and whenever I got fed up with your verbal abuse
you’d tell me to shut up and act more like a proper lady.

Everything I did just seemed to bother you,
and I’m wondering now why had I decided to date you?
Why do I keep letting you hurt me over and over again?
Why can’t I just hate you?

I need to get away from this toxic relationship,
I need to get rid of all these things that I feel.
Those beautiful memories we once made together need to be forgotten,
because what’s the point in remembering things that were never even real?

Poet's note: This poem deals with the emotions that a girl still happens to feel even after getting out of a toxic and emotional abusive relationship. I wrote "Emotions" in December 2020, as a means of expressing my novel character's emotions while being stuck in a relationship that is one-sided and it's her only way of venting about what she felt whilst she was with this individual. I never first-hand experienced what it was like to be in a relationship dealing with emotional abuse, but I was once a victim of a friend-group that targeted me using my emotions as a weapon to get to me. I think poetry is the best way to express one's emotions and therefore it led me to creating a heartfelt yet broken poem as this one.