If Only You Were Still Alive...

I wouldn't have been this toxic
I wouldn't have been this cold-hearted
I wouldn't have been this negative
I wouldn't have been this sensitive
I would have been the best that you always wanted me to be

I curse your dearth date
Since then ,I became an enemy to myself
Having to live the life of always fighting with my thoughts
The thoughts of what my life would've been if you were still alive
Having to keep all my emotions within myself
Why did it had to be me?
-Zanele Ngcobo