Gone Before The Funeral

There will come a day
When I feel lost
Astray
In disarray

The white dress pooling around me as i walk down
Alone
No father beside me
Lost in everything I’ve ever known
Because you’re gone
And you won’t come back

You’re not dead
No
Not exactly
Not legally
Medically
Certainly

Just dead to me
Not that it’s something that you see
I’ve given up
I don’t want to meet you halfway
I don’t care that the phone works both ways
Or any of those other ridiculous things that you say

I’m told you’re supposed to know me
For all I am and what makes it such a way
How I take my tea
Perhaps my coffee
Favorite foods
What makes me sick
Favorite candies
What makes me tick
Favorite chips

But damn it all
You make me sick
And you know it
You know that seeing you twists my guts
And all that I want is for this door to shut
I want you gone

If I had it my way I’d never see you again
and I’d never care

Damn it all this isn’t fair
I want to tell people I love my dad
All he’s done for me
Why can’t you just use your eyes!?
See!
See me for all I am and all I’ve done and not what I wasn’t able to do for you

I don’t want to label you as cruel
You never hit me
You hurt me
Deceived me
Left me behind for every new girlfriend that came along
Lied to me

But when I needed you
You never fought for me
Never showed me
That there was even a possibility of you loving me.