But You Don't Really Care

There was once a day
Before I knew your name
Or had heard what you had to say

But before I knew it
We were laughing at some stupid joke I made
Sitting in the park on a sunny day
On the phone anytime we could
Staying up far later than we should
Me getting flustered over the tiniest, stupidest things
Smiling when you called me pretty
Telling me it was okay if my hands were clammy

Then,
You pulled back.
Like none of it had ever happened
Like we were nothing more than friends
And it stings
As the letters appear on my screen

I
D
C
R

And that really stings

It doesn’t feel that complicated I shouldn’t have to be thinking smartly or logically
about the concept of you loving me
Do you want me or not?
It shouldn’t take this much thought

It suddenly feels like I’m being shot,
Blood seeping through my clothes
With touch that feels cold
Because you know,
You didn’t want it
But if that’s the case then why don’t you quit?

Am I holding you back?
Tell me,
Tell me while I turn into an ash
that runs a deep, dark black
I mean really, it’s sad
That after everything
You don’t think I ever could have loved you
No
Not as much as the sun, the stars, maybe even the moon

But is it so crazy to think?
That after 3 months of back and forth
Cat and mouse
Hide and Seek
This dance deception
I really thought you would get it!

But when will you love me?
Maybe all of this was for nothing

So my finest
Sincerest
Dearest
Truest
Apologies

For being stupid enough to think I meant something
That I was worth something
To the boy that pretended he might eventually love me.