Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

• My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
• I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
• To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
• I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
• To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
• In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.