I have the terrible feeling that, because I am wearing a white beard and am sitting in the back of the theatre, you expect me to tell you the truth about something. These are the cheap seats, not Mount Sinai.

• The enemy of society is middle class and the enemy of life is middle age.
• We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
• The enemy of art is the absence of limitations.
• The best thing commercially, which is the worst artistically, by and large, is the most successful.
• If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.
• Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.
• My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
• Did you ever stop to think why cops are always famous for being dumb? Simple. Because they don't have to be anything else.
• We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.
• I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.