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Mark Twain Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
We have the best government that money can buy.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
We have the best government that money can buy.
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.