If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

• Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'
• My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
• For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
• For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
• I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
• The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
• If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
• I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
• Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.