An optimist is a man who has never had much experience.

• If a child shows himself to be incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity marry, and perpetuate his kind.
• Happiness is the interval between periods of unhappiness.
• Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.
• Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
• Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
• A pessimist is a person who has to listen to too many optimists.
• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
• The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.
• Man cannot be uplifted he must be seduced into virtue.
• Ideas pull the trigger, but instinct loads the gun.