I have an abacus at home.

• Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.
• Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.
• President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.
• The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
• This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
• Keep cool my babies.
• Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen.
• Every comedian dreams of hosting 'The Tonight Show' and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second.
• There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.
• The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'