We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

• Health food makes me sick.
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
• I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.
• Health food makes me sick.
• The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.
• When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.
• I don't think I've ever read a food piece or a food book.
• I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.
• Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.